I just want to live in the city. In a one bedroom loft-type apartment with a view that takes your breath away.
I was looking at lofts in the St. Louis area earlier and it just made me anxious to be on my own. Fuck this whole paying $500 a month just to live with my mom bullshit.
I could easily afford my own place with my salary.
It’s crazy how it’s so easy to memorize someone. Like when I’m talking to you on the phone and you do that soft laugh and I just know the look on your face. Those gorgeous blue downcast eyes and irresistable smirk.
Half the time I just want you to get the fuck out of my mind and the other half I’m begging you not to go. I’m so wrapped up in you.
All of you. The quirks and flaws that make loving you a challenge.
Why are we honestly still playing this stupid fucking game? Quick running away from what makes you happy. Because goddamn it, I know I do.
This is me realizing that I’ll probably have feelings for you for the rest of my life. This is me knowing that you know about these feelings because I was finally able to tell you even though I was so sure that you didn’t feel the same. This is me being a stupid girl with stupid feelings acting…
i wish i would’ve never met you, because i wouldn’t be feeling this way right now. you’re amazing, and i want you to be mine.
How can something so unflawed be ruined? Maybe it was just me. Maybe I just fell too hard, too fast, too deep. To the point where any flaws went unnoticed.
Seriously. There’s gotta be something I’m missing here. Something I should have done differently. Said differently. It’s hard to not think back and replay every moment.
How am I not good enough? Why did this happen? The worst part of this break-up is not understanding it. This feeling is mind-numbing and isolating. I hate not knowing things.
I fucking love you. Or I guess I mean loved you. Would have done anything for you. Matter of fact, I’m honestly not sure I still wouldn’t.
I keep thinking that maybe our timing wasn’t right. And it probably wasn’t, but that still leaves more questions for me to psychoanalyze.
Will our timing ever be right? And even if it is, will I even want to speak to you by that point?
I hate myself. Especially since I love you.